Extra! Extra! BobbleJohn exclusive!

Million dollar grants? Been there, done that. TikTok stardom? So 2022. And forget those nearly 10,000 Twitter followers.

John Lukens PhD has now achieved ultimate stardom: as a bobblehead.

This highly exclusive 1-of-1 collectors item was specially commissioned by John’s former mentee, Dr. Sushanth Kumar.

You might think your Elvis bobblehead is pretty groovy. Or speculate about the necessity of your weird uncle’s dashboard hula dancer bobble. Perhaps you have a closeted jealously of those with rare MLB collectable bobbleheads stored in their Mojo Dojo Casa House.

We don’t judge. However, these notions are forevermore antiquated with this advent of bobblehead Dr John Lukens. All will forget bygone bobbles and yet yearn to witness the frozen flow and shiny square glasses upon John’s head lightly bobbling in the breeze of their central AC.

Look out for future exclusive releases of BobbleJohn collector accessories, including:

• Air Jordons

• Watered down Starbucks venti iced americano with 2% milk

• Printed copies of scientific papers (new, old, in revision - get ‘em all!)

• Costco pack of Extra spearmint chewing gum

• More Jordans

Deepest gratitude to Dr. Kumar for issuing the creation of this honorable item.